The Lovely Horoscope Page
'This is the Lovely Horoscope Page Upated Daily by SlappyWiggins. Horoscopes Provided by www.laughsend.net/horoscopes.php and Astrology.horoscope.com' Saturday''' October 8th 2011' 'Birthday Horoscope' Happy birthday! This year you can speak with the voice of authority, so look forward to making a lot of personal progress. You can attract many helpers and accomplish a lot in the gentlest of ways just by remembering to treat people nicely, even when they're trying to chase you away. Focus on being practical and effective. In early spring a small but surprising success at work will propel you into working with even more successful partners. A hard-nosed practicality with an open, warm heart is your path to success this year. Have a bright, beautiful year! 'Aries March 21 - April 19' Broken bones may become a problem for you this week as you take a walk through a cemetry only to fall into a recently dug-out grave. Screaming seems to be on the agenda for you, too. "Shout, shout, let it all out." A rhyming message which can really help you out today. You are overworked and underpaid. Man, I'm good at this horoscope lark, aren't I? 'Taurus - April 20 - May 20' Halitosis can be very painful, especially if the person with bad breath is trying to spell the word "halitosis" in a confined space. A turkish man or woman may delight you today in some manner. Chocolate desserts are your friend today. 'Gemini - May 21 - June 21' The future holds great peril for a masked magician in your area. Please phone your nearest masked magician and let him know. Screaming loudly only serves to wake the neighbours. They'll only investigate once they're sure you're dead and the murderer has left the crime scene. 'Cancer - June 22 - July 22' Gifts can be given and received at the same time, but fights can start over the simplest of things. Starving yourself does not help you lose weight. In fact, it can be very detrimental to your health. You ask any dead person and they'll say: "Yep, that's right, I'm very thin!" An application to receive an award from a website may go very successfully today. 'Leo - July 23 - August 22' The differences between you and your peers sets you apart. And by apart, I mean they're thinking of relocating you so that you're as far apart as physically possible. Your life may seem boring compared to others, however, you *do* have a nice car. Memory can often plays tricks on people - why not trick memory first by getting a lobotomy. 'Virgo - August 23 - September 22' Your ideas are plentiful, but are your plenties ideaful? Other bullshit may come your way today. There are always good reasons to ask a fellow human to "step outside", and you may be forced to do this over the coming week. 'Libra September 23 - October 23' Accuracy is not necessary when stacking blocks, until you come to around the 5th or 6th. Your talents dictate that you will not go so far. Metal objects may interest you today, and cause a new hobby to "spark" inside of you. 'Scorpio October 24 - November 22' You have your Southern folk. And you have your Northern folk. Which you are is probably not of consequence, because you're stranger than most. You may develop a sudden interest in the backs of things today. 'Sagittarius November 23 - December 21' The tension between you and a co-worker may ease today as you suddenly realise you have other stronger ties. Everything you hear today will sound echoey and dull. A trip to the doctors might be necessary later next week. The Nigerian bank that is holding your email-friend's money does not exist. 'Capricorn December 22 - January 19th' Why not test yourself by not eating or drinking anything. Headaches and random convulsions may become a regular part of your life today. When leaving your house this morning, don't forget to lock up and give the children a pat on the head. Two heads are better than one if you're trying to get a team together. 'Aquarius January 20 - February 18' All of that which you experience today will be catalogued under "things not to do in public again". A nearby construction company may approach you this morning in an attempt to fool you into thinking that the world is about to explode. 'Pisces February 19 - March 20''' Take care when opening up an email from a friend today as you may not enjoy the electronic content inside. This sad horoscope was brought to you in association with usedbandages.co.uk - for all your bloody used bandages. Any time you feel restless this week, try to imagine what it would be like to take viagra and ritalin at the same time. Category:Astrology Category:SlappyWiggins Category:Horoscope